This article is from the Nov. 2012 issue of Harpers Magazine. It’s definitely worth your time to read before this coming Tuesday. Click the link to download the PDF, read through it, and wonder what those 1′s and 0′s actually say after you cast yer vote on those stellar electronic voting machines:
How to Rig an Election by Victoria Collier
I’ve been having some trouble with the person who delivers my Sunday paper, so I decided to write the Dispatch to let them know:
Every Sunday morning at my apartment it’s the same thing. I’m jolted awake around 6:30, 6:40 by what sounds to be someone forcing their way in via the front door. Except now I know better. The sound I’m hearing isn’t a ski-masked marauder, it’s the Sunday paper being thrown as hard as it possibly can against my storm door by the Paper Delivery Person (PDP).
This morning, June 24, was no different. I am instantly roused from sleep by the loud bang, thus ensuring I’ll not be able to fall back asleep; thus ruining any chance of me relaxing and sleeping in. The only difference is, this time when I open the door to retrieve the paper, I notice a nice big crack running from upper right-hand corner to the lower left in one of my storm door’s windowpanes. I will gladly provide you with a picture of said pane if you are of the new “pic-or-it-didn’t-happen” school of thought.
Please remind/inform the PDP that they are not Nolan Ryan. They are not Satchel Paige. They are not Charles Nagy. They are not going to the 2012 Summer Olympics for “newspaper shot put,” and thus should not treat the Sunday edition of the newspaper as a fastball or a shot.
Also inform them that this is not a real-life version of the game Paperboy™. And if this is a real-life version of Paperboy™, I will cancel my subscription if this happens even just once more, assuredly ruining their chances at a high score.
Plus, I bet they always wreck at the bonus obstacle course at the end of each level.
Amateurs. Anybody who’s anybody can make it through the obstacle course no sweat.
Hey. Remember that last post (it’s right down there) asking when summer’s going to get here? Well, turns out that I’ve neglected this blog just long enough that summer’s pretty well arrived. And do you know what comes with that sticky, oppressive, sweltering heat? Drinking on patios.*
There’s something magical about guzzling alcoholic beverages outside. Is it the interplay between the cool of the beverage vs. the heat of the atmosphere? Does my Miller High Life really taste better out there amongst the mosquitoes, pollen and rays of sunshine? Yes. Yes it absolutely does. I don’t know why, and I don’t care why. All I know is that it tastes better and that I need to order another round as soon as possible.
This is what a bar called The Hayloft Tavern, located in Alexandria, Kentucky looks like on a Saturday night when The Shifters play:
It’s a pretty cool bar. You should check ‘em out if you’re ever in their neighborhood. Good food. Cold beer. Or just check them out on Facebook, which isn’t nearly as fun: The Hayloft Tavern (btw, myself, the girlfriend, and some friends of ours made it into their picture album. Great stuff). Also, The Shifters played a solid show. I’d link you to a site of theirs, but I’m pretty sure they don’t have one.
Update: Hey-o, The Shifters have a Facebook page here.