dear _____, #6 (nickles)

Posted on May 13, 2011 by Chad

This idea practically sells itself! I can’t believe they didn’t think this plan was absolute genius. I even included charts:

Of course in the response they say they can’t do it, but don’t give any real reasons as to why not. All humor and joking aside, I think that a bag full of bread heels would be incredible, and I bet there’s quite a sizable minority out there that thinks so. I really do believe that this would be a worthwhile product for a bread company to look into.

My favorite line: “Unfortunately, we are not able to produce an ‘all heel’ loaf.” At least that means they read the letter. Ideally, I was hoping for them to send me a bag of heels, but they sent over a coupon instead:

Am I the only one that would love a bag of all heels? It’s clearly the best part of the bread. Is there any bread company that will heed the heel-lovers call?

dear _____, #5 (dannon)

Posted on April 8, 2011 by Chad

This was a surprise. So I tried to take the “Activia Challenge” or “Activia Promise” or whatever Dannon is calling it now, but it turns out I didn’t quite get the results I was expecting. I thought it might be pertinent information for Dannon to know:

After mailing I thought it would be the same song and dance: form letter, a smattering of coupons, the end. Oh no. They called me. And when I didn’t answer they called again. And again, and again. Finally, when I was able to record the conversation (which is legal since I consented to the taping as far as I can tell (if not, someone please tell me so I can remove the audio)) I called them back:

Pt. 1: Dannon Convo Pt. 1

Pt. 2: Dannon Convo Pt. 2

She was such a good sport. After all that nonsense, they were nice enough to send me a letter:

Hilariously, they even sent me some pretty decent coupons. Of course, they won’t be used for Activia products:

Little did I know, Dannon was involved in a law suit concerning Activia and false-advertising. No wonder they were so interested–

P.S. — Please note that the audio files were only edited for these three issues: 1. remove prolonged silences, 2. remove the reading aloud of my personal information (phone #, address), and 3. normalized for audibility. Other than that, they have not been altered in any way.

dear _____, #4 (oldspice)

Posted on March 18, 2011 by Chad

No one wants to smell like one:

Yet again with the horribly generic response. Although I like to think the line, “I’m sharing your comments with the rest of our Consumer Response Team,” basically means she thinks this is hilarious and wants to share: